Is this your story as a parent?


"I want daddy" cried a 5 years-old girl on her father's funeral with her face buried in her mother's hands. Mother, who could not sink in how her world had just came crashing down, who wanted to just close herself in an isolated room and let those tears flow until she could cry no longer, who was questioning her faith and the existence of God, who was wondering in her mind what had she done to deserve THIS, who just wanted to end it all because the love of her life was no more. But she didn't... she couldn't. She was just looking at her hands and her li'l girl and when she could no longer bear to see her li'l one cry, she moved her head to her side in helplessness and saw her older boy just standing there. He was broken too but he was struggling to look strong for his mother and li'l sister and that made the woman feel even more vulnerable. There was nothing she could do...just nothing! "Why God! They are just so very little. They did not deserve this!" the desperation, the helplessness kept on increasing with every passing day going forward. "I am going to be the best father and mother that my children deserve!" She started over-compensating for the different lives her children were bestowed upon. Thus, her sole motive became to fulfill every single wish her children asked for (or didn't) even when it was hard for her to afford 'em. She never discussed with her children how tough her life is so as to protect them from any suffering. OVERCOMPENSATION! Eventually, the children grew up, so habitual of just asking for something and getting it, so oblivious to the struggles of their mother and life-in-general. "I want XYZ", one of the kids would declare. "But you are too young to own XYZ. I think you should wait for a while" their mother would try to reason. "NO! you are lying! you don't trust me enough" the child would explode crying. And mother would apologise relentlessly and would get the child XYZ. This was a regular pattern now while the mother kept trying to overcompensate and time passed by. Then one day, she got a call from the dean of her daughter's university that she has been expelled because her drug abuse and other relentless ways and that she needs to arrive immediately for the final paperwork. Mother was shocked and angry and started wondering what lead her daughter to indulge in ALL THAT? She wanted to speak to her daughter, wanted to hug her and tell her they will deal with it together. She had relived the entire conversation atleast a 100 times on her way to the university, with how her daughter would be sorry and how she would just hug her and talk to her and they will find a way out. "Why the hell have you come now? Go away! You don't understand me, you never did! You never trusted me either! You never loved me!" were some of the statements the daughter yelled when she saw the mother. Mother could not believe her ears, her eyes, the burning feeling inside her heart and the giant lump in her throat! She didn't understand where was that coming from. How did this happen. But she did what had become so innate in her, OVERCOMPENSATE yet again. "Am sorry honey! Please forgive me! All this is my mistake. I won't ask a single question, I swear. Just dont cry! Come home with me. Please! I Beg your forgiveness." She apologised continuously as the daughter kept hurling swears at her....

Where do you think is the gap? How is it that the mother is the one apologising instead of the daughter? How is it that the mother did not realise she is raising emotionally handicapped children? How is it that she did not realise that sharing her struggles and deepest emotions will bring them closer as a family? What made her think that fulfilling just each and every demand would compensate for them not having a father? And would you be surprised if I told you just how many parents OVERCOMPENSATE for so many different reasons and then wonder what exactly went wrong!


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